I am Gay, get it straight
As I entered into my preteen years, a deep attraction for the opposite sex came crashing in like an unwelcome stranger. I was scared. These were new feelings and I knew that they would not be accepted by my family or friends. How could I be attracted to girls? I kept my attraction hidden deeply within. For living within a culture where opposite-sex attraction was shunned and not the norm, I feared what would happen if it came out.
After almost a decade of pretending, hiding and fighting, I finally summoned the courage to confide with a trusted friend. The inner turmoil was tearing me up on the inside while causing all sorts of destructive and unhealthy behavior on the outside. As I quietly shared my hidden secret for the first time, extending it out to my friend, he listened, honoring the space I was entrusting him with.
Meaning well, he then offered some advice and counsel. “Jeromy, thank you for sharing that with me, I feel honored. But as a friend, I cannot support you in choosing this opposite-sex lifestyle. You and I both know it is wrong. But I can support you in fighting and finding freedom from this sin.” And so with that, I entered into years of counseling, therapy, prayer ministry, and AA-type support groups for other people struggling with the sin of being attracted to women. My friend was there every step of the way during my battle.
But after nearly a decade-and-a-half of pretending, hiding and fighting, I simply could…not…do…it…any…more. For whatever reason and purpose, this was who I was. If God created me, then God also placed this desire for women in me as well. Through many sleepless nights and quiet tears, God gave me the courage to declare, “Come what may, this is who I am and I will no longer hide from it. I will embrace it and seek the gift there within.”
So with courage surrounded by fear, me and my girlfriend moved in together and began living our love openly. Outwardly, things got worse, at least initially. Family disowned us. Friends stopped calling. My mom just wept and quietly judged us. Our church faith community said that, though we were welcome, we had to step down from leadership and could not display our relationship publicly—we left after a few months of condemning looks and well-meaning “helpful” words.
But inwardly, I have never felt so much peace. For I have discovered that true peace comes when I finally accept who I am, what God is doing in my life (however unorthodox), and live my outward life in unison with who I am. I have found myself being more loving towards all people, I have a deep inner peace, and my relationship with God has never been more alive or real. I can now—after nearly 20 years—hear God’s voice saying, “You are my child and with you I am well pleased. I love you, Jeromy.”
To everyone’s dismay, my partner adopted a little girl last year and are doing the best we can as parents to raise her in love. My parents are finally warming to us and have extended an invitation to Thanksgiving for the first time since “coming out”. So things are looking up some. We have hope.
Much love,
Jeromy
[This was written as I pondered the hundreds of messages, emails and comments from my GLBT brothers and sisters that shared a common story similar to the fictional one I wrote above. Many of these people do not know each other and yet their story was the same. Being gay was who they were, not a choice they made or lifestyle they longed for. The only choice they made was to finally admit who they were and stop lying and hiding. When they did, most said that it was then that they discovered an inner peace. Sadly, a lot of them have had their image of God greatly skewed by the responses of the Christian community, from both well-meaning and not so well-meaning Christians. For here is the thing. I cannot stop being heterosexual any more then they can stop being homosexual. It is who we are and to try to change it would be as futile and destructive as trying to change from being a human into a panda bear. See other posts on homosexuality here.]
WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO AND CANNOT DISMISS THE TESTIMONY OF THOUSANDS!
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