A Mending Shift

Read your post and couldn’t help but hear these words in my heart…

…..The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor. 

 Miguel, Yes, I am the person who was the director for Love In Action in Memphis.  So glad to hear from you.  I am sorry about the divorce, but I am really glad you are good friends and that you have worked through to a peaceful place in your life.

Greg, how dare you sit faceless on such a blog posting and condemn homosexuals for something in which we had no choice?! I am finding it extremely difficult at this moment to not get angry and spew hateful words that will provide the same amount of hurt for you as your words just did for me. However, I won’t let you ruin the recent peace that I’ve found. I won’t continue to let a heterosexual treat me as if I’m beneath him simply because I am attracted to a different gender. I will not allow you to use the bible or christianity or God to be your weapon of misguided bigotry.

Allow me to share something with you. I was born in 1983 in a small Alabama town. Immediately, that information alone should tell you the life I had in store for me. My very first thoughts of any kind of attraction came to me at the age of 6 while laying on my older cousin’s bed and looking at her New Kids On The Block posters. I remember thinking how cute Jordan Knight was in the posters. Nothing has been the same for me since then. I didn’t even know what ‘gay’ was or meant at the age of 6. For the next years through adulthood, I struggled with my sexuality immensely. I “came out” to my friends and most of my family between the ages of 18-24. I have lost a lot since that time; however, I don’t regret coming out because I had to be true and  honest with myself, my family and my friends. The pain it cost to remain trapped in my bud was more than the risk it took to blossom. This doesn’t mean that admitting my sexual orientation didn’t come with consequences. In high school, my car was keyed by an obvious homophobic person and “FAGGOT” was scribbled down the side of my Mazda 626. My parents became very distant and cold and my life quickly shattered. The love that was present before my ‘coming out’ was no longer there. The same parents that had provided love and suppport before my announcement were the same parents that shunned me and left me to feel alone and isolated.

At 18, I swallowed two bottles of Percocet and waited for them to take the pain away. Sadly, as if to be kicked while I was down, I learned the hard way that painkillers don’t affect emotional pain. The only thing I got from my suicide attempt was a 3 day stay in ICU. I recovered and soon after I completely rejected God and all of his teachings. I looked back on my life and I recounted all the nights since my youth that I laid in bed and begged God, with tears flowing down my cheeks, to not let me be gay. I used to yearn with every cell in my body to wake up the next morning and be attracted to girls, and not guys, so that I could feel accepted and no longer have to hide or feel rejected. That prayer was never answered. Not even slightly.

I moved 400 miles away from my family at age 20 so that I could ‘find myself’. I have since been away from my family for 8 years. I was never able to stay in small town Alabama because of who I was. I felt ostracized. Being a gay man, I cannot get married, adopt children, become a school teacher or even be a “big brother” to a kid who may be going through the exact same feelings of guilt and shame that I went through. In high school, my math teacher announced to the class “I don’t understand why they allow homosexuals in this school!” Shortly before that, I was walking through the neighborhood and was jumped on, punched, pushed to the ground and kicked while they yelled “Fag!” at me. I have felt the looks of disgust from others when I have been in public with my boyfriend. Holding hands in public or a quick kiss ‘goodbye’ as I drop him off at the airport is not a comfortable option because I can’t deal with the fear of people pointing, yelling something obscene or being physically attacked by someone that doesn’t understand.

I sit here and I want to be angry with you for allowing people like yourself to treat me this way for 28 years. However, I only feel sadness for you. How difficult it must be for you to go through life without intellect or education. I am not writing this to you because I want your sympathy. I’m not even writing this to degrade you. I would like for you, however, to ask yourself this one question: “Why would someone choose a lifestyle that brings such hatred, fear, rejection and isolation with it?” Whether you know it or not, it’s extremely offensive to myself (and others) who are told that our sexual orientation was a choice, simply because NONE of us would have chosen this route had we been given the chance. However, I do not and will not apologize to you or your God for the person that I am. Your post said that you know people that have it worse than homosexuals. I do agree with that…to an extent. Some people have it worse, some have it far better. No one is asking or wants your sympathy. In addition, the last thing that any of us want is your blessing. You will never know what it’s like to walk in my shoes. I have been made a stronger person in just my 28 years than you will ever be in your lifetime. And, just so you know, you were born straight because you don’t have the strength or courage to be anything different. Your God knew that. I pray that you find peace within you and unconditional love surrounding you.

Jeromy, again…thank you for your original posting. I cannot explain the blessing that I’ve been given since first reading it. I have to admit that I have read this almost daily since you first posted it. I have begun talking with God again and attending church. You have restored my knowledge that He loves me unconditionally, despite the misguided actions from some of His followers. Thank you for letting God use you to melt this heart of ice.

We’re all sorry.  But now, let’s fight for equality.  I, for one, think the Church should be the forerunner for equality with the LGBTQ.

Mckeemattc:  I have been on your same journey for many years.  However, I realized, God Loves Me for who he created  me to be and he LOVES YOU, too!  We can no longer allow the naysayers to steal our faith from us!!! 

Thank you so much for having the courage to post this. Voices like yours are the ones changing the world. Tolerance, acceptance, and love IS what it’s all about. From everything I’ve learned, that’s ALL Jesus is about too.

Thank you, Bryan.

Awww,. Bob – you just HAD to shove in your judgmental two cents worth of Bibliolatry, didn’t you?Until queer kids stop killing themselves because they’re made to feel like dirt by your Bible-based Breeder Supremacist propaganda, go concentrate on the notion of “the least of these,” and STOP the “pervasive and absolute” Or go the whole hog, and obey ALL of the law (including shunning women at their time of monthly uncleanliness).  And then have a closer look of the size of what’s in your eye. you Pharisaical twerp.

wow. thanks for sharing that, Rain. i think it is hard for us to accept our goodness (though God took it even a step further and said, Very good!) and it is from those words “you are very good” that we want to hide from.

I am fixated on this topic, and without apology.  I will not stop speaking against hating in the name of Jesus until my LBGT friends can walk into any church with their beautiful families and be embraced just as anyone else.   I think of all of the crazy hateful and abusive things that I have heard from the pulpit on this topic, and I will make it my passion to confront it, head on, with compassion and in love until I hear it no more.  I do this with all oppression.  We all need to do that.
 

Matt, I don’t know you, buy I know if I did, I would love you to death.  You need to speak up more often.  Thank you for taking the time to reply with grace.  I could not find anything nice to say, but you did.  Peace out brother, and I hope that you find a church that embraces you. The United Church of Christ embraces everyone.

Thanks Jeromy.  Oh that all of us would have hearts of humility and love for those unlike us.  As an evangelical pastor, I am bothered by the hatred and arrogance in my ranks.  Even for those of us who believe that sexual activity outside of heterosexual marriage is sin, may we have hearts that join you in caring for & standing with the oppressed.

I’m gay, and I’m Christian, I am a teenager who loves the Lord with all I have, and all my strength… but people might look at me as having a destructive lifestyle. Lifestyle?? I will say this: I didn’t choose this, if I did, I would have chosen to be straight. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way. Why people discriminate and hate in the name of the Loving GOD we all have come to know, is beyond me. We can say, they just don’t understand our shoes. And if we try telling them, “I didn’t choose this.” They think we’re dirty liars who are trying to cover up for our ‘sexual pleasures.’ Do you want to know how I know this?? I once had those views, I was homophobic. And, I am sorry. I am sorry for being so ignorant, and contributing to the constant bleeding of love from God’s children. I am sorry I contributed to the revoking of their rights. I am sorry such hateful and hurtful words came out of my mouth. Now, I realize what I did wrong, I am gay… I didn’t know what they were facing then, I thought they were liars. Then I knew… I was gay, and I constantly heard homophobic remarks from my family, then I became scared, and then depressed… that made my summer last year, the worst time of my life. I thought I would get thrown out of the House, then my dad found out, when I forgot to log out of my email by accident. That was God’s way of telling my dad, and mom. They know, and love me, and will continue to, just as Jesus loves us! We all can get into heaven, no matter sexual orentation if we know this: 
*Jesus died on the cross for our sins
*He paid our fine
*Jesus loves us no matter what
*The only way to get into heaven is through Christ
*Jesus is our King and Savior
I have the same views a the straight Christians do, so does that make me any different in God’s eyes? No! He loves me just as much. The only difference is God made me gay!!

I just came across your blog and this post drew me in…from this post alone ( and I haven’t read your others to be fair) you are a living example of what I love about Christ. I dont’ go to church, because I feel there are too many hollow people there…but I deeply love Christ and all he taught..if more churchgoers spoke and believed and LOVED as you do..in this letter…I would proudly go. Thank you for your Light.

It just amazes me how many people go around preaching “God is Love”, and  yet their hearts are full of hate.

HATE is a choice. Being born gay is not a choice. Playing the hand you are dealt, is a choice.