This is strangely conspicuous. I have been tracking my UPS Ground package—stuffed with Disney DVDs—from Spartanburg, SC, for a few days now and I suddenly saw an update saying that the train derailed!! (Google “Train Derailment” and you’ll see what those two words mean). I was like, OMG! How tragic!! How often does that happen? Well apparently with UPS, quite often. So I began to do some investigative digging. Today, October 9, 2008 (and now also October 13, 2008), I found out that two UPS trains derailed, one in San Ramon (mine) and one in Oakland. I did some more digging and another one also derailed today in San Pablo, NM. Before that, in September, it occurred in Hodgkins, IL. Yet with all these train derailments (and who knows how many more were reported in UPS’ tracking updates that my 20-minutes of hard-core internet journalistic research missed) nothing appears in any news report. Odd.
I wonder, is it the rails, or the trains? Is this some sick joke that an embittered UPS software coder made up? Train derailment. Common, you’re kidding right UPS? What’s next? A Plane Crash tracking update? Or Truck Experienced Head-On Collision? or Delivery-Dolphin Caught in Fishing Net? Maybe FedEx is tampering with all of UPS’ trains in one giant corporate sabotage.
Forget the economic crisis…our frakin’ train infrastructure is falling apart! And nobody cares!! Why aren’t we hearing this as the opening questions for the presidential debates? Where is Steam Engine Willy when you need him?
Our kids are going to throw a freakin’ temper tantrum because their Disney DVDs did not arrive in time for tomorrow’s Friday-Family-Movie-Night. (Wait, perhaps Dreamworks had their hands in this tragic Disney-DVD-package train derailment incident).
What can Brown do for me? Fix your trains or bring back the ponies!!
And please, Brown, next time one of your trains derail don’t tell me, “Your package has experienced an exception” (whatever that means), just shoot straight and say, “Your package will not be delivered on time by us—should have used FedEx“.
Seriously though, can anybody find any bonified news article about these mysterious UPS train derailments, or is UPS just covering up their inability to deliver packages on time? Have any of your UPS packages had the misfortune of “Train Derailment”, or worse, Delivery-Dolphin Netting?
[Locations Update: So far the UPS train "derailed" in San Ramon, San Pablo, Oakland, West Sacramento, San Jose, Pleasanton, South San Francisco, Ceres, Sunnyvale, CA, Greensboro, SC...I'm starting to think this might have been a terrorist attack!! lol Click on the map image to view how far the UPS Train Disaster of '08 spread. UPS is now using a Late Train message in their tracking update.]
[Cargo Update: So far the "Derailed" UPS Train carried Disney DVDs, plants, a camera lens, election signs and buttons, a PC notebook computer, Rhino tabs (whatever those are), a new Playstation3, school text books, food items, a guitar amp, a limited collection Scotty Cameron putter, coconut lime verbena and bergamot fragrance oils and essential oils, Obama bumper stickers, an $80 skin care kit and a $20 makeup palette, a Treo Pro, fake poop for Halloween pranks, a softball bat, a grain mill, athletic apparel, a toilet, an electric guitar, a saxophone, motorcycle parts, iPod, 2 X-Box 360s, a motorcycle seat and. . . any more items to add?]
[Entertainment Update: The following "Lime in the Coconut" video was inspired by Dennis and Eric (see comments below) to help bring a little levity to this tragic disaster [sniff, sniff].
Here are photos of a Kern County train derailment that occurred on October 9th, 2008 at 4:12am.