A Mending Shift

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on March 2, 2012

As I was researching ideas for a possible thesis topic, I stumbled across this post by Nathan with the Marin Foundation (be sure to check out what they are doing…VERY cool stuff). It moved me very much and I wanted to share it with you. Enjoy (and the next time you see a man dancing in his underwear, be sure to hug him and say sorry too).

I spent the day at Chicago’s Pride Parade. Some friends and I, with The Marin Foundation, wore shirts with “I’m Sorry” written on it. We had signs that said, “I’m sorry that Christians judge you,” “I’m sorry the way churches have treated you,” “I used to be a bible-banging homophobe, sorry.” We wanted to be an alternative Christian voice from the protestors that were there speaking hate into megaphones.

What I loved most about the day is when people “got it.” I loved watching people’s faces as they saw our shirts, read the signs, and looked back at us. Responses were incredible. Some people blew us kisses, some hugged us, some screamed thank you. A couple ladies walked up and said we were the best thing they had seen all day. I wish I had counted how many people hugged me. One guy in particular softly said, “Well, I forgive you.”

Watching people recognize our apology brought me to tears many times. It was reconciliation personified.

My favorite though was a gentleman who was dancing on a float. He was dressed solely in white underwear and had a pack of abs like no one else. As he was dancing on the float, he noticed us and jokingly yelled, “What are you sorry for? It’s pride!” I pointed to our signs and watched him read them.

Then it clicked.

Then he got it.

He stopped dancing. He looked at all of us standing there. A look of utter seriousness came across his face. And as the float passed us he jumped off of it and ran towards us. In all his sweaty beautiful abs of steal, he hugged me and whispered, “thank you.”

Before I had even let go, another guy ran up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and gave me the biggest bear hug ever. I almost had the wind knocked out of me; it was one of those hugs.

This is why I do what I do. This is why I will continue to do what I do. Reconciliation was personified.

I think a lot of people would stop at the whole “man in his underwear dancing” part. That seems to be the most controversial. It’s what makes the evening news. It’s the stereotype most people have in their minds about Pride.

Sadly, most Christians want to run from such a sight rather than engage it. Most Christian won’t even learn if that person dancing in his underwear has a name. Well, he does. His name is Tristan.

However, I think Jesus would have hugged him too. It’s exactly what I read throughout scripture: Jesus hanging out with people that religious people would flee from. Correlation between then and now? I think so.

Acceptance is one thing. Reconciliation is another. Sure at Pride, everyone is accepted (except perhaps the protestors). There are churches that say they accept all. There are business that say the accept everyone. But acceptance isn’t enough. Reconciliation is.

But there isn’t always reconciliation. And when there isn’t reconciliation, there isn’t full acceptance. Reconciliation is more painful; it’s more difficult. Reconciliation forces one to remember the wrongs committed and relive constant pain. Yet it’s more powerful and transformational because two parties that should not be together and have every right to hate one another come together for the good of one another, for forgiveness, reconciliation, unity.

What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the beginning of reconciliation. It was in the shocked faces of gay men and women who did not ever think Christians would apologize to them.

What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the personification of reconciliation. It was in the hugs and kisses I received, in the “thank you’s” and waves, in the smiles and kisses blown.

I hugged a man in his underwear. I hugged him tightly. And I am proud.

Here’s the embrace.

Category: blessing, Christianity, church, ethics, forgiveness, freedom, Homosexuality, justice, Kingdom of God, love, transformation | 1 Comment »
Tags: church, gay pride, God, Homosexuality, hope, LGBT, marin foundation, Reconciliation

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on March 1, 2012

Warning, this post asks a few tough unspoken questions in straight-forward, honest ways. (And it mentions the word penis).

A lot has been said surrounding God and the gay community (LGBT). But if we were honest, for most, doesn’t it boil down to one question:

“Does God really care where the penis goes?”

(Told you it was straight-forward)

Does God? ‘Cause for the vast majority, this seems to be the main issue. Some say, “Hey, it’s ok if you have the feelings and you like guys, just don’t use the penis (’cause it will go in the wrong spot and that is what God cares about).” That you can have the feelings, just don’t act on them. So God could care less that you love and have feelings for the person just as long as you keep your gay penis tucked away. So they push for gay celibacy (at best) or life-long singleness (at worst).

Now obviously I am using a bit of hyperbole (or am I?). But am I alone in thinking that we have it all backwards here? That maybe—just maybe—God doesn’t give a damn (pun intended) about where a penis does or doesn’t go? And that God cares very deeply about love?

I think of it this way. God cares when a person is being abused, or raped, or treated as an object, whether a penis is used or not. And if it is used in this way (or any any other war that objectifies or harms a person), it is always wrong because it is done outside of Love. It devalues a person whom God has created and loves. When love is absent, God cares…very much so.

But when love is present? When two people deeply love each other, are committed to each other, consent to each other and share a physical expression of that love…does God care where the penis goes? Is God really more concerned about placement than Love? Is God calling down earthquakes and fires and tsunamis and hurricanes and wars because a penis went in the wrong hole? (Sorry to be so blunt, but I did warn you…and this applies to lesbians too, just using the penis example). I don’t think so.

And honestly, do you think so? Perhaps. Maybe not.

But let’s not dance around the real question that this issue unfortunately is boiling down to. Some say (without ever saying it) that God does care deeply where the penis goes. And Some say that God doesn’t care where the penis goes.

To me, I think God cares about Love.

I don’t think God is losing any sleep over all the lovingly “misplaced” penises.

Maybe we shouldn’t either and focus instead on love.

Just sayin’.

So let me ask you, does God really care where “it” goes? What do you think…

.

Category: Christianity, ethics, God, grace, Homosexuality, Jesus, justice, Kingdom of God, love, Questions, theology, transformation, truth | 9 Comments »
Tags: Christianity, church, Gay, Gay Marriage, God, Homosexuality, LGBT, love, penis, Relationship, sex

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on January 12, 2012

“Daddy can fix anything!” is the common sentiment of my daughters.

Toys. Bikes. Plastic hair clips. Boo-boos.

They have this magical hope that anything that is broken can be fixed and restored. However misplaced this seems in our “adult” minds, to them it simply is true.

They have seen glimpses of this magic happen in the past. Their favorite toy breaks and they begin to cry, thinking it is beyond hope and repair. It is now worthless, useless and hopeless. But then Daddy comes along and says, “Let me take a look at it, give it to me.” He gently holds it in his hands, rotates it this way and that, with his eyes focused. A gentle push here, a snap there, perhaps a little bit of glue and the toy is magically fixed! It works again. They look up at Daddy with eyes of wonderment and thankfulness, then run off to play again.

And then something else breaks, and Daddy fixes it. Again and again this happens.

Things without worth are given worth. Useless things become useful. Things that are beyond all hope exclaim hope.

I think this is why I love this quote about forgiveness so much: “Forgiveness is the answer to the child’s dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.”

But somewhere along the short line of our adult lives we lose this dream. We lose the hope of the greatest miracle: that you and I and strangers and loved ones can realize we are forgiven and be restored to full health and beauty. We sit there holding our broken lives in our tiny hands with tears, not realizing the power of forgiveness.

And so we don’t seek forgiveness. We don’t give forgiveness. We don’t receive forgiveness.

And the dream dies in our heart and we are left broken and continue breaking those around us.

Perhaps God wants us to hear and see and realize the dream once more, just like my kids? That forgiveness really can restore all things and all people. That indeed:

Daddy can fix anyone.

Even me.

Even you.

Category: forgiveness, God, love | 1 Comment »
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Posted By Jeromy Johnson on July 6, 2011

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” Kurt Cobain

Would you? Would I? Most people, in their hurt and brokenness, seek to be loved for who they are not. They long for love so much that they are willing to wear a mask to be lovable. They fear that people who currently love them would stop loving them if they saw who they really were and what they really believed; that if they removed the lovable mask (whatever that might be for the person) they would be rejected. And in some cases, depending on the people who love them and the conditions that must be met to receive that love, their fears are very real: some people will not love them for who they are but only for the mask they wear. So they would rather be loved for who they are not. And if that is where they are at, that is ok, though they are missing out on tremendous joy, freedom and true life.

But others have reached a certain breaking point. They have grown weary of wearing the masks. The burden of constantly hiding and editing and pretending has become unbearable and they just can’t shoulder it any more. They have realized that with or without the mask, there will always be some who love them and others who do not; that no matter what they believe, or who they are, or what they do, they will never, ever, ever, ever please everyone enough to elicit universal love. Their inner turmoil causes them to finally rip off the masks, shattering them to the ground, exclaiming, Come what may…this is who I am.

Yet when they timidly step out of the shadows—naked—they find that some who used to love them recoil and run (and perhaps throw stones). Their fears came true and they wonder if they made a grave error. But then out of their own shadows come others who are naked and unashamed, and they cast a love that is more genuine than what could ever have been thought possible. They are quick to embrace and deeply, deeply care for the other: naked or masked.

The scale has tipped and they fear being loved for who they are not more than they fear being hated for who they are. And once they taste the life and freedom and joy and peace that comes with risking all to be who they truly are, the rejection and pain and loss and turmoil that also comes begins to shrink back into the shadows, growing smaller and lighter with every decision to choose truth over lies.

And something else shows up for them, they see the life of fear and pain that others are living in behind the masks. They see it in their glassy eyes. They see it in the fake smiles. They see it in their self-protecting actions. They see it beneath their love-me costumes. And their heart breaks. It breaks in part because it reminds them of how they used to live and brings back all the pain and sadness that accompanied it, but it also breaks because they cannot remove the masks for them—it is something that only the person wearing the mask can do. All they can do is love and be themselves, and so that is what they strive to do.

Each naked here-I-am step they take births the courage and fortitude to take another here-I-am step, and another, and another, until one day they find that those are the only steps they can take. And they too can proclaim that they would rather be hated for who they are, than loved for who they are not.

And their mask-less steps and here-I-am proclamations encourage others to risk all for the sake of true love.

For when they do, they find a God who they thought always existed but never had permission to seek and embrace. And this God, who deeply loves the masked and unmasked alike, smiles, and says, “Welcome home child, welcome home. I love YOU for YOU are who I created. I did not create your mask, I created YOU. Thank you for your courage and for honoring my creation and love of YOU. I know it is difficult, but come, let me to embrace YOU. It’s okay. I won’t hurt or shame YOU. Shall we dance?”

And in pure, unashamed nakedness, YOU dance.

YOU, not the mask.

Category: blessing, forgiveness, freedom, God, grace, Jesus, love, transformation, truth | 10 Comments »
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Posted By Jeromy Johnson on July 1, 2011

“If I would have known you were going to be gay, I would have aborted you.” This is what a mother told her son after she learned that he was gay.

NPR did a story on gay immigrants shedding light on their story of living in the United States. In this particular segment the son decided to live with his mom in New York. Two weeks later his cousin called the son’s mom and told her that her son was gay, with which she gave him the evil gift of those hate-filled words, followed by disowning and a swift kick out of her house.

To be honest, I was filled with a hell-bent anger towards the mom mixed with a deep, tearful sorrow for her son. There are few times in life where I would consider going postal on someone, this would have been one of them. If I would have overheard this personally, say, while sitting at a coffee shop or bar, I can’t imagine what I would have done. I don’t think it would have been pretty. Who says that to their own child? Who has such a deep fear and hatred lurking inside of themselves that they would (a) think that and, (b) actually utter those words?

Two things I would like. One, the mom’s address in NY. I would tell you what I want to do once I get her address, but I won’t so they can’t subpoena you as a witness for my trial. And two, her son’s address. I would begin a massive campaign to love on him and celebrate his life. But since it is unlikely that I will never get either address, I will allow this story to seep into my spirit, form it and reshape it. I will give it voice. I will listen and hear the pain of both the mother and her son. I will not rush through it or ignore it, but rather embrace it, allowing it to plant its seeds.

“If I would have known you were going to be gay, I would have aborted you.”

I feel a terrible loss of words, except to say this. Caleb, Ashlyn or Scout (my kids), I will NEVER utter these words to you. Never. If you are gay or lesbian, I will love you, embrace you, and walk with you. I will not judge you or be disappointed with you. You make me proud, regardless, and my heart beats for you. I accept you for who you are and will try to help you discover the gift that only you can bring to the world. I will seek to empower you to accept and express who you are, without shame or fear. I do, and will always, love you.

Your dad,
Jeromy

Category: Homosexuality, justice, love | 1 Comment »
Tags: Abortion, Children, Fear, Gay, Hate, Homosexual, immigrants, love, mom, NPR, son

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 28, 2011

Sitting on a jury is an interesting experience. It taught me a lot about how important our starting-place presumptions about people are. Let me explain.

One of the most important factors of our justice system is that people accused of a crime must be viewed as innocent. Your mindset as a jury is that indeed this person IS innocent and you must prove to me otherwise, beyond reasonable doubt. This is a MUCH different stance than beginning with a mindset that this person us guilty until proven otherwise. Yet, without missing a beat, there are still jurors who come in with attitudes like, “I’ve seen his type before” or “She just looks guilty” or “I am sure he did something wrong to land him here.” Instead of assuming the best about a person, they assume the worst, even when required BY LAW to assume the best.

And for most of my life I have been taught to have the same attitude towards people: assuming they are wicked and evil and damned first. In fact, this attitude was taught as being God-ordained. And so everywhere I went, every person I met, my starting assumption was that they were bad and guilty. And it effected how I viewed and treated them, and yes, prevented me from truly loving them. (I see this effect still at play with my kids and how I view them…a work in progress).

But now, my starting assumption is beginning to change. I now see people as good, and loved, and forgiven first. This is now my beginning point. And let me tell you, it has given me much peace, joy and hope. It allows me to not fear them and empowers me to better love and embrace them. That instead of seeing them as evil and cursed, I see them as loved and embraced.

Now I know what some are thinking, well what about those people who really mean you harm? You can’t just go through life trusting people and assuming they are good. You have to exercise caution and watch your back. And I would reply that I get that, but I will trust my papa and the spirit within me to guide me and raise the caution flag when needed, but my starting place will not be fear, but of love and trust. I am learning to let go of fear incrementally and embrace trust. Might I get burned? Possibly, but either way, with fear or trust, I might get burned. So I choose to assume the best about a person, rather than the worst. I choose to believe that when God created us He viewed us as good and looked upon us with favor, and that he still does so today. I am beginning with that.

But don’t we all sin and make bad choices and hurt people? Yep. But we are also all hurting, scared, scarred, wounded, frightened little beings too. But those things do not dismiss the goodness dwelling in each of us. So if we all have goodness and badness dwelling in us, then I chose to first focus on the goodness.

I have spent way too much of my life seeing people as glass-half-wicked and am choosing to see them as glass-half-good.

Care to join me?

Category: blessing, ethics, forgiveness, freedom, friendship, God, grace, Jesus, Kingdom of God, love, missional, Questions, theology, transformation, truth, World | 3 Comments »
Tags: Christian, court, Forgivness, God, guilty, innocent, jury duty, justice, love, theology, wicked

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 27, 2011

What if I am wrong? What if I am wrong about hell? What if I am wrong about God? What if I am wrong about the Bible? What if I am wrong about myself? What if I am wrong about the church, the afterlife, sin, reincarnation, social issues, politics, the universe, resurrection, theology and any other issues that has multiple sides and answers?

What if I am seriously, 100% wrong?

Then I will still be loved.

But what if I am wrong about even that?

Then it won’t matter.

So either way, I trust in love.

Category: God | 2 Comments »
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Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 27, 2011

[Luke 9:51-56]

Now it came to pass, when the time had come for Him to be received up, that He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem, 52 and sent messengers before His face. And as they went, they entered a village of the Samaritans, to prepare for Him. 53 But they did not receive Him, because His face was set for the journey to Jerusalem. 54 And when His disciples James and John saw this, they said, “Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them, just as Elijah did?” 55 But He turned and rebuked them, and said, “You do not know what manner of spirit you are of. 56 For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives but to save them.” And they went to another village.

[and some lost passages that followed, just recently found]

But privately, while they were walking, Jesus said to them, “Be patient, young disciples, wait until these Samaritans die. Then I will cast them into an eternal fire for their disbelief. Then they will suffer endlessly in hell without hope of my love or restoration simply because they did not receive me. You are too naive to understand this right now, but there will come a time in the future when my disciples will understand both my love and justice, proclaiming my judgments to cast not only Samaritans into hell, but all who do not believe and receive me in this life. I understand your desire to consume them, and in due time, they will be consumed. Be patient. Though I do not desire for any to perish, once they die, my hands are tied and a hellish justice must be served, for that is what the law demands.”

And when they arrived at the other village, they began preaching this gospel of the good news, exhorting men to repent and be born again, to believe and accept Jesus into their heart as their personal Lord and Savior or face an eternal, fiery afterdeath in hell. And as prophesied by Jesus, few believed. Their hearts were hardened and their fates sealed. For wide is the road to destruction, and many will chose it, and narrow is the path to life, and few will find it.

And so Jesus set his heart to ultimately die for a small minority of men and women, knowing the rest would never believe before they died and he would have to usher them through the gates of hell.

[or perhaps we've misinterpreted Jesus' words and intent. God forgive us if we have.]

Category: Bible, Christianity, ethics, God, grace, Hell, Jesus, Kingdom of God, love, Questions, theology | No Comments »
Tags: Afterlife, Bible, Christianity, disciples, heaven, Hell, Jesus, Judgement, luke, Questions, theology

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 12, 2011

I wonder, do I ever wonder much anymore? Do I lose myself in a sense of wonder? Do I let wonder overtake me, resisting the temptation of resolve the wonder through answers? Can I simply sit in the wonder anymore?

Llike a child approaching the ripples of an ocean wave for the first time as the coldness of the water laps over her bare feet, causing her to run back in sheer glee, eyes twinkling through shrieks of joy, only to timidly return for more, full of wonderment.

Like a child sitting in a field, fully caught up in the present moment, the Now, not feeling guilt over the past or concern about the future, but fully immersed by flowers and bugs, able to sit for hours without a care in the world except the softness of the pedals and awe of a ladybugs wings as its feet tickles her palm—no to-do list except to be fully engulfed by the wonder of the Now.

Like a child resting on her Daddy’s lap as he reads magical tales of mermaids, wondering what it would be like to swim effortlessly underwater and not being concerned over the FACT that mermaids don’t exsist, because in the story they are reading now, mermaids do exsist…and it’s wonderful.

Like a child sequestered from the omnipresence of Google—its conquest of questions and wonder, providing instant answers and destroying mystery—where questions remain questions, wonders remain wonders, and life is full of surprises, like how can a Jack Rabbits dart in and out of vineyards at 45-miles-per-hour while not being decapitated by the wires 1-foot off the ground? How does a Hummingbird hover? How high can wild Turkeys fly? How do they make bread out of a wheat kernel or wine out of a grape? Being OK with the questions and their wonder, not seeking the answers.

Have I lost my child-like sense of wonder? I believe I have. But I also have a hunch that I am slowly being given it back, and it is a wonder-full gift.

In fact, it is this sense of child-like wonder that is causing me to see the here-and-now Kingdom of God as the veil of mystery is slowly shrouding knowledge once more.

And it’s wondrous.

Category: God | 2 Comments »
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Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 10, 2011

A few hours ago I pulled up to the Abbey of New Clairvaux. It is a Benedictine Abbey located in the tiny town of Vina just outside of Chico, CA. Their cinderblock guest room will be my home for the next four days. It has one lamp. One less-than-twin bed. One little desk. A rocking chair. And a bathroom. I brought two shirts. One pair of jeans. One pair of shorts. Under-stuff. Flip-flops. A sketch pad and pencils. And a camera.

Periodically through out my stay I will most likely post some of my thoughts here. There might be one thought, there might be dozens, and there quite possible might be none. I have no goals or plans. Well scratch that. I do.

I plan to get in touch with my sole. No, not my inner soul, though that might happen, but my literal sole. I have a goal of not wearing shoes for four days so I can feel every nook and cranny, every stone, every patch of grass, every soil, and possibly some thorns. I literally want to feel what the soles of my shoes feel. I want to get into touch, literally, with nature while here. Why? Cause I want to.

I also have a goal of sitting in a chair, outside, in one spot for an entire day. The only time I plan on getting up is to go poo or pee. I want to practice the discipline of simply being. Being still. Sitting. Resisting the need to do something or go somewhere. To simply choose to be in one spot for like 8+ hours. Why? Cause I want to.

Other than these two goals, I have no other hard-fast plans but to see how god and my soul (yes, my inner one this time) will show up.

So stay tuned as this blog will be my journal of sorts over the next four days.

Peace.

Category: God | 3 Comments »
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Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 2, 2011

Here is the bottom line. It is hard for us to accept our goodness. Shame seems a better friend then our good worth. It is from the words “you are good” that we want to hide from. We run back into the arms of shame, covering our ears at God’s declaration, “You are good, my love.”

Never mind the fact that God even took it one step further, declaring his human creation (yep, we’re included in that category) to be very good. And in the beginning, we were all naked and felt no shame. And then we messed up. And we hid. And we labeled our “nakedness” as bad. And we were afraid. And God said, “Who told you you were naked?” And God covered our nakedness and shame. And we keep running and hiding and declaring to ourselves and to others that we are naked and unclean.

We are the ones saying to ourselves, “Shame on you!” But God keeps on saying, “Love on you! Grace on you! Peace on you!” Every time he sees us he says, “Do not be afraid. You are loved. You are special. You are cherished. You are mine. You are good, and with YOU, I am well pleased.” Not just kind of pleased or partially pleased. But fully, 100% well pleased. Not always at our thoughts or behaviors, but with US, as his child, we bring God pleasure.

Did you read that? You bring God pleasure.

And we are already saying as we read this, “But I’m…” Naked? Wicked? Depraved? Worthless? Shameful? And God replies, “Who told you you are naked, wicked, depraved, worthless, shameful?” (He doesn’t ask us for his sake, as if he doesn’t know who told us those things, but for our sake so we can identify the source and nature of the lie). And we have to come to grips that we tell ourselves those things. We have to relive the words of our imperfect parents, and punk friends, and hurting spouses, and full-of-fear colleagues who declared and spoke those identities into us. To say these hellish declarations did not originate from God, but originated from within us and from other creatures who believe the same lies about themselves.

And it gives God an opportunity to cloth our shame with his love, with his embrace, with his words, declaring, “You are very good.”

So next time you look into the mirror and want to say, “Dammit, here I am again.” Don’t. Instead, take that moment to listen. Take that moment to repeat what you hear, “You are very good.” As you put on your clothes to cover your physical nakedness, picture God clothing your shame with is love and embrace.

And most of all, remember, you bring God pleasure, not disgust.

And so does your neighbor and enemy.

Category: forgiveness, God, Jesus, love, Thankfulness, theology, transformation, truth | 2 Comments »
Tags: God, Goodness, Jesus, love, Self-Worth, Shame

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on June 1, 2011

Hey readers, I wanted to let you know that I created a Facebook page for A Mending Shift. To receive blog updates and feeds to your facebook wall, and to continue the conversations created here, please hop on over and become a fan.

I will also try to post something daily on the page to help stimulate thought and discussion. See you there!

http://www.facebook.com/MendingShift

Category: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tags: A Mending Shift, facebook, page

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 31, 2011

Spring time is here. That means one thing—my top comes off. Well, my Jeep top, that is. See, as a Jeep owner, the months of September through March carry with them a shadowy depression because the weather forces the sane person to keep their Jeep top on. But then Spring arrives. The top comes off and the whole world seems brighter and cheerier. Fresh air, sunlight, stretching skies and a sense of open-air freedom attack the soul. Oh, if only all year could be Spring. (Perhaps heaven is filled with topless jeeps?)

It also means that my kids love riding in Daddy’s Jeep. My 10-year-old son never uses the door, but instead climbs onto the back wheel and up and over the roll cage to get into the front seat. And my 2-year-old daughter often says, “Ride Daddy’s Jeep?” She didn’t always like to ride in the Jeep, however. At first the wind and sun really bothered her (she was used to a domesticated van). But after the first few trips around town, she began to anticipate and love the wind and sun. Now she loves it. She’ll say the magic words, “Ride Daddy’s Jeep?”, and we’ll load up into the Jeep—strapping her into her car seat—heading off on our four-mile trek somewhere at 30 miles an hour. She smiles and laughs and says, “Windy!” and “Bumpy!” She throws her hands up in the air and says, “Go fast!” To her, a ride in Daddy’s Jeep means an adventure with dad. She has no idea where I am taking her (and it doesn’t matter), but the ride with dad in his Jeep is the reward. And she loves it!

My ride with my heavenly Daddy has been very similar. At first, the newly experienced wind and the sun and the bumpy ride were bothersome. I was used to a domesticated journey with him; quiet, predictable, climate controlled, certain. But when he asked me to hop into his “Jeep” and go for a ride, I was apprehensive. Where are we going? What will it be like when I get there? But there’s no top!? It’s uncomfortable. And he said, “I know, that is part of the experience.” So he picked me up, set me in my seat and strapped me in. The wind, the noise, the sun, the bumpiness were all there, as expected. But as we rode, those very things became the joy of the journey. I find myself feeling freer. I can’t seem to get rid of my giddy smile. The sense of open-air adventure with Dad is exhilarating. I have no clear idea where we are going, but that seems to matter less and less. Just the joy of being on a faith-adventure with Daddy in his Jeep, seeing him look back reacting to my joy, is becoming—more and more—enough for me.

The journey is becoming more important than the destination. Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he said not to worry about tomorrow and that the Kingdom is here, now.

And when he invites some of my friends to join the ride, the journey becomes even more enjoyable. It is indeed a ride of a lifetime. Thanks for letting us ride in your Jeep, Daddy! I love it!

Your son,
Jeromy

Category: Family, From the Lips of a Child, Jesus, Kingdom of God, missional | No Comments »
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Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 28, 2011

As I entered into my preteen years, a deep attraction for the opposite sex came crashing in like an unwelcome stranger. I was scared. These were new feelings and I knew that they would not be accepted by my family or friends. How could I be attracted to girls? I kept my attraction hidden deeply within. For living within a culture where opposite-sex attraction was shunned and not the norm, I feared what would happen if it came out.

After almost a decade of pretending, hiding and fighting, I finally summoned the courage to confide with a trusted friend. The inner turmoil was tearing me up on the inside while causing all sorts of destructive and unhealthy behavior on the outside. As I quietly shared my hidden secret for the first time, extending it out to my friend, he listened, honoring the space I was entrusting him with.

Meaning well, he then offered some advice and counsel. “Jeromy, thank you for sharing that with me, I feel honored. But as a friend, I cannot support you in choosing this opposite-sex lifestyle. You and I both know it is wrong. But I can support you in fighting and finding freedom from this sin.” And so with that, I entered into years of counseling, therapy, prayer ministry, and AA-type support groups for other people struggling with the sin of being attracted to women. My friend was there every step of the way during my battle.

But after nearly a decade-and-a-half of pretending, hiding and fighting, I simply could…not…do…it…any…more. For whatever reason and purpose, this was who I was. If God created me, then God also placed this desire for women in me as well. Through many sleepless nights and quiet tears, God gave me the courage to declare, “Come what may, this is who I am and I will no longer hide from it. I will embrace it and seek the gift there within.”

So with courage surrounded by fear, me and my girlfriend moved in together and began living our love openly. Outwardly, things got worse, at least initially. Family disowned us. Friends stopped calling. My mom just wept and quietly judged us. Our church faith community said that, though we were welcome, we had to step down from leadership and could not display our relationship publicly—we left after a few months of condemning looks and well-meaning “helpful” words.

But inwardly, I have never felt so much peace. For I have discovered that true peace comes when I finally accept who I am, what God is doing in my life (however unorthodox), and live my outward life in unison with who I am. I have found myself being more loving towards all people, I have a deep inner peace, and my relationship with God has never been more alive or real. I can now—after nearly 20 years—hear God’s voice saying, “You are my child and with you I am well pleased. I love you, Jeromy.”

To everyone’s dismay, my partner adopted a little girl last year and are doing the best we can as parents to raise her in love. My parents are finally warming to us and have extended an invitation to Thanksgiving for the first time since “coming out”. So things are looking up some. We have hope.

Much love,
Jeromy

[This was written as I pondered the hundreds of messages, emails and comments from my GLBT brothers and sisters that shared a common story similar to the fictional one I wrote above. Many of these people do not know each other and yet their story was the same. Being gay was who they were, not a choice they made or lifestyle they longed for. The only choice they made was to finally admit who they were and stop lying and hiding. When they did, most said that it was then that they discovered an inner peace. Sadly, a lot of them have had their image of God greatly skewed by the responses of the Christian community, from both well-meaning and not so well-meaning Christians. For here is the thing. I cannot stop being heterosexual any more then they can stop being homosexual. It is who we are and to try to change it would be as futile and destructive as trying to change from being a human into a panda bear. See other posts on homosexuality here.]

WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO AND CANNOT DISMISS THE TESTIMONY OF THOUSANDS!

Category: Christianity, ethics, freedom, Homosexuality, love | 13 Comments »
Tags: coming out, Fear, Gay, GLBT, Homosexuality, Lesbian, love, Peace, Straight, transformation

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 26, 2011

What if we viewed the “others” as our brothers and sisters? What if we cast aside the destructive label of “them” and exchanged it for “us”? What we didn’t operate through then lenses of labels, countries, and borders? What if we saw “others” as fellow humans with the same blood coursing through both our veins? What if we embraced the 98% we have in common vs. condemning and killing the 2% that differentiates us? What if we ruthlessly loved each other vs. ruthlessly hurt each other?

What if there was no black or white? Gay or straight? Male or female? Christian or non-Christian? American or Muslim? Heretic or orthodox? Saved or unsaved? Liberal or conservative? Buddhist or Hindu? Jew or Arian? Shi’ite or Sunni? Adulterer or faithful. Republican or Democrat? First World or Third world? Cursed or beloved? In or out? Us or them? What if we simply saw each other as humans, embracing our uniqueness?

What if we helped create a world where every war was also our war? Where the illness of another became our epidemic? The death of another became our loss? The damnation of another became our exile? Where every hateful word was heard as an offense against us? Every blistering punch was viewed as an assault against us? Every bitter look was imagined as a aggression against us? Every rape, our rape. Every suffering, our suffering? Every pain, our pain? Every curse, our curse? Every bruise, our bruise? Every neglect, our neglect? Every violation, our violation? Every stumble, our stumble? Every failure, our failure? Where everything that happened to another we viewed as happening to us?

What if we truly saw the world through God’s eyes: without borders? What if we truly saw every human through God’s eyes: her kids that she birthed? What if we truly saw ourselves through God’s eyes: beloved, without clause or exception?

What if we were all simply humans fervidly loved by our Papa?

Oh, wait…

We are.

May we learn to live as such.

May I.

Category: ethics, friendship, God, Kingdom of God, love, transformation | 8 Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 25, 2011

To be honest, I find it very hard to stomach and read articles like this one about Lyn Benedetto taking a knife to her children’s throats. Ask my wife, as a father, I just can’t handle them. But in light to some mainstream Christian theologies, she should actually be viewed as a very loving and merciful mom.

Here is a quote from the full article:

“Lyn Benedetto, 47, told authorities that to prevent her family from suffering [during the Tribulation], she had her daughters, 11 and 14, lie on a bed, took a box cutter knife to their throats, then cut herself March 19.”

In fear of the pending tribulation slated to begin May 21, 2011 (thanks Harold Camping), and the suffering that would indeed ensue, she took the sane course of action: a few minutes of her kid’s suffering in trade of avoiding months of suffering. Seems very logical, merciful and kind.

and If we really, truly believe in a literal, eternal suffering hell where God will cast billions of people into…

and if we believe in an God-given age of accountability for children (most believe this age is somewhere between 5 and 13, where if a child dies before this age they will not be held accountable by God for their sins since they were too young and will be ushered into heaven)…

…then this course of action should not be rare or newsworthy. It should be a common practice by Christian moms who love their children. I mean, why risk the chance of their kids getting it wrong (or dying after their 13th birthday) and suffering for all eternity in hell? If a mom took this course of action to avoid months of suffering, imagine what a mom would do for her kids to avoid an eternity’s worth of suffering?

In fact, kid-throat-slicing should be a very common activity during 12th birthday parties and the moms who perform the loving act should be celebrated for their grace and mercy, not tried for their insanity and murder.

But something inside us says this is not right. Something inside of us says that her actions were not right, just, loving or merciful. Something inside of us says that the traditional notion of Hell is not right, just, loving or merciful. Something inside of us says that this is not who God is or what God would do.

And some will think worse about a mom who would do this to her few kids than a God who would do much much worse to billions.

But we should ignore and dismiss that “something inside of us” because, after all, “God’s ways are higher than our ways and who are we to offer him any counsel?”

Perhaps that “something inside of us” is God-placed and we should be listening to it? That maybe that still-small-voice inside of us is true and that maybe it’s our interpretations and hellish notions are off.

But perhaps not. And if so, excuse me while I try to find my box cutters…

Category: Hell, theology | 2 Comments »
Tags: Children, Harold Camping, Hell, Lyn Benedetto, news, rapture, theology, tribulation

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 25, 2011

I was raised on the Romans Road. The Romans Road is an evangelism tool made up of 5-7 verses pulled out of Romans to show people the way of salvation. That if they follow and believe this simple Road of 5 verses, God will save them (read the original Roman’s Road). So, following the popular and accepted model of pulling verses I thought I’d repave the Romans Road with new and neglected asphalt. So here is the new Romans Bypass, looking at Romans through the reconciliation of all things lens:

2:4 – Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

3:3-4 – What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God’s faithfulness? Not at all!

3:9 What shall we conclude then? Do we have any advantage? Not at all! For we have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under the power of sin.

3:23-24 – for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

5:6 – You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

5:10 – For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

5:18 – Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people.

5:20-21 – But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

6:10 – The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

7:24-25 – What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

8:1 – Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

8:20-21 – For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

8:31 – What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

8:33-34 – Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

8:37-39 – in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

9:15-16 – “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.

9:25 – “I will call them ‘my people’ who are not my people; and I will call her ‘my loved one’ who is not my loved one,”

10:19-21 – “I will make you envious by those who are not a nation; I will make you angry by a nation that has no understanding.” And Isaiah boldly says, “I was found by those who did not seek me; I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me.” “All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people.”

11:15-16 – For if their rejection brought reconciliation to the world, what will their acceptance be but life from the dead? If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches.

11:32 – For God has bound everyone over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.

11:33-36 – Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him and for him are all things! To him be the glory forever! Amen.

14:11 – It is written: “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’

15:7 – Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

So relax. God has already paved the road for you. Believe it! And because of God’s love, live in and through love,  freely loving because of the love that was given to you.

Category: Bible, blessing, Christianity, forgiveness, freedom, God, grace, Hell, Jesus, justice, love, theology | 6 Comments »
Tags: Bible, Christianity, emergent, God, grace, Humans, Jesus, love, Mercy, Romans, Romans Road, Salvation, Scripture

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 24, 2011

I love Francis Chan. Seriously, I do.

I grew up listening to Francis at Hume Lake Summer Camps and so he has a special spot in my heart. He is eloquent in speech, very persuasive and has a very sincere and genuine heart. He is quite passionate about what he believes, but conveys it in a soft, gentle way (which seems to be rare these days). Francis is also one of the best storytellers I’ve heard. You can get a sense of who he is with this latest video he made about hell [RSS see video below]:

[This video seems to be in reaction to Rob Bell's book Love Wins and an overview of Francis Chan's upcoming book Erasing Hell]

Though I have a deep respect for Francis and I totally understand where he is coming from (I too have given many similar talks in the past), I disagree with his conclusions and how he arrived at them. Namely when he says that when it comes to God banishing humans to Hell that there are times when God does stuff that we would never do (or even THINK of doing). He quotes a passage in Isaiah 55 where God says:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, “declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

And so the thinking goes, “This notion of God sending billions of people to hell just doesn’t sit well with me, my understanding of justice or love, and is something I would never ever do or even think of doing. But, hey, God’s ways are not my ways and God’s thoughts are not my thoughts…who am I to argue that God just might do such an outrageously horrible thing?” I have heard this retort a lot lately around the discussion of Hell. Even in deeply honest conversations when some Christians cannot stomach the notion of Hell, they simply say, “But God’s ways are higher than my ways.”

And yet the reverse can also be applied, can it not? When people say that God will ultimately redeem and restore all of creation and every single human being, can they not also say, “Man, I would NEVER think of doing that…it goes against the grain of what I would do, but God’s ways are not my ways and God’s thoughts are not my thoughts, so who am I to argue that God just might do such an outrageously loving thing?”

So then I have to look at which way is HIGHER than my way. Is sending billions to Hell higher than what I would do, or is it lower? Or is redeeming all things and people higher that what I would do? To me, it seems like a much lower and wicked road to condemn billions to a literal hell. It seems like a much higher and divine road to redeem billions of people through the power of love itself.  To me, that garnishes much more praise because it IS a higher thing than I would do.

And then I look at the slant or trajectory of Isaiah 55, where things are said like, “Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations you do not know will come running to you,” and “[my word] will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace…” That God’s higher ways in this passage seem to be referring to a positive thing, not a negative one. A peaceful one, not a dreadful one. Where God’s words and his will WILL be accomplished when God says:

“For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world; but that the world should be saved through Him.” (not might be)

“And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself.” (not might with some)

“For as it is written, “As I live“, says the Lord, “every knee shall bow to me [ie. repentance], and every tongue shall give praise to God [i.e. worship]” (on my life I say…)

“This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” (that God will achieve his purposes)

That just perhaps, God’s “higher ways” do not condone a crazy, evil notion such as hell, but that God’s “higher ways” condones a crazy, loving notion of God loving and restoring all of his kids.

That, yes, God would do something that we would never do, or even think of doing, namely condemning no one to hell for eternity, rather than most.

[ADDED: Here is a good article about Francis' video from a philosophical perspective]

Category: Bible, blessing, Christianity, church, forgiveness, freedom, God, grace, Hell, Jesus, justice, Kingdom of God, love, Thankfulness, theology, transformation, truth, video | 13 Comments »
Tags: Bible, francis chan, God, grace, Hell, Jesus, Judgement, love, truth, universalism, video

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 18, 2011

Who am I? Am I a sum of my parts, or more?

My name is Jeromy Roger Johnson. Three words. Eighteen letters. Six syllables. When uttered, it is simply a collection of agreed upon sounds that form meaning. To some it has great meaning, recalling past memories, feelings and shared experiences. To others it has little meaning, but is simply a name on a page or screen. To most it is absolutely unknown and has less meaning to them then the bench they are sitting on. I am more than my name and reputation.

My face is composed of bones, muscle, flesh, two eyes, veins and a number of other parts. My eyes are blue-green. My mouth is big, as is my nose. My hair is dark and curly, and if you asked my wife, I have great skin. Sometimes I allow the little hairs on my face to grow, mostly out of laziness. Somehow the combination of bone shape and all these parts make up my visual identity, my image. And this image is set atop of a 6′-2″, 190 pound frame. Like my name, some know my face and some don’t. Some have seen it in person while others have simply seen a pixel representation. I am more than my body and image.

My brain weighs about three pounds and is a little smaller than my big head. Rarely do the synapses connect. Occasionally a feeling will surface and sometimes be expressed. As an introvert, much of my life is lived inside of my mind. Sometimes I come up for air and see how the rest of the world is doing, but quickly submerse back into my mind. My mind can be quirky, insincere, brilliant (rarely), caring, dorkish (often), loving, removed, creative, logical, angry and selfless. In fight or flight situations my mind tends to lay down for a nap. I am more than my mind and thoughts.

My roles are many: a son, a father, a husband, a friend, a lover, an employee, a citizen, a designer, a student, a writer. My labels are even more: white, male, married, christian, straight, heretic, middle-class, american, independent, introvert (INFP), ex-pastor, __________ (and the list can go on, and on, and on). I have no letters after my name. I am more than what I do or am called.

So who am I? I am human and I am loved by my Daddy.

Who am I that God would love me? Who am I that God would use me? My words are simply murmuring stutters. My voice is simply whispers of air. My hands are simply flesh, and so is my heart.

And why God chose to love me and use this eighteen letter name, this face of flesh, this three pound brain and this cacophony of identities will always remain a mystery to me. Yet I accept this mystery—and many others like it—in hopes of allowing it to shape and reshape me.

Who am I that God would love me?

Who am I to argue?

Who am I?

Category: God, love, Questions | 1 Comment »
Tags: God, Human, identity, love, Questions

Posted By Jeromy Johnson on May 16, 2011

Last Tuesday afternoon I was driving home from work. While slowing for traffic, I offered up this simply prayer, “God, show me your love in a tangible way. Please, I need to know it.”

Now what I was really praying was for God to convey his love through a mystical experience where I got the warm fuzzies in my spirit and I felt God’s love in an inner, emotional way. A personal experience between just God and me. That was what I was really praying for.

But God had more up his sleeve than just a mystical, personal experience…A LOT more!

The next day I read this blog post by Chad. It spoke to my spirit and I sat down to write a personal letter to the Gay and Lesbian community, declaring that I love and stand with them. I published it.

And God’s knowing smirk grew.

To be honest, I had forgotten about my little prayer (shallow, I know) but God hadn’t. Because no sooner than my letter was put out into the blogosphere that the tears, thank yous and story after story came flooding into my inbox. “I had given up on Jesus until I read your letter.” “I wept as I read this letter to my partner.” “Thank you for your courage, you have NO IDEA how much this means to me to hear a Christian say this.” One by one their words came.

And I just sat there, in awe, humbled, wondering what God was doing. ‘Cause here is the thing, I am just a simple person, who has a wife and three kids, who rents a 1,400 square foot house, makes $22 an hour while sitting in a cubical and has a tremendous propensity to cause both love and pain in those closest to me. How could these simple, heart-felt words from me be the stimulus for such an outpouring? How could they be causing person after person to weep openly while reading them?

And God said, I am showing you my love.

I am showing you the power of my love. I am showing others my love through your stuttering words. I am showing the depth of my love to all that need to hear it. And yes, Jeromy, I am even showing you my love in a deeply personal way through the other. Because my love is not just about mystical warm fuzzies, but is best known as it is expressed to others.

And God was showing me both the deep pain and deep love that is present within the homosexual community. I have been blessed and unconditionally accepted within their fold. Their love is a beautiful love that seemed to be birthed through their cast-aside experience and suffering. As if God was saying, I am showing you my love through them. I am using them in a real and tangible way to express who I am. They are my kids, whom I deeply love, as are you.

And God’s smirk grew into an unquenchable smile.

While all of us recipients just watched in awe and joy at what God was doing  in, through and around us.

And love begot love.

Thanks Papa, for hearing and answering shallow, half-felt prayers while stuck in traffic. Thanks Papa for loving us enough to show it. Thanks Papa for the new friendships you are creating. Thanks Papa for reshaping and healing hearts.

And thanks Papa, for showing US your love.

Your kid, who just seems to be along for the ride sometimes,
Jeromy

Category: Christianity, fellowship, forgiveness, friendship, God, grace, Homosexuality, Jesus, love, transformation | 6 Comments »
Tags: God, Homosexuality, Letter, love, Prayer